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Stigmata
Directed By Rupert Wainwright
"It will scare the hell into you" claims the ad for Stigmata, the new film featuring Patricia Arquette and Gabriel Byrne. Who knew that one could catch Stigmata like one could catch a cold? In short it's about an atheist punk rock hair stylist in Pittsburgh (Patricia Arquette),who upon receiving a package from Brazil her mother who was there traveling, begins to show signs of Stigmata. The package contained a rosary from a dead Catholic priest, and presumably, stigmata is contagious, like cooties.
Patricia is taking a bath and ends up with holes in her wrists when a mysterious force pulls her under water. The hospital personnel think she's suicidal, but apparantly not suicidal enough, and decide to let her go. I suppose they make Patricia an atheist so that people like you and me will fall for this bogus scenario. Next she finds herself on a train with her friend , and suddenly the train goes haywire and she finds herself whipped on her back. Fortunatley a Catholic priest on the train recognizes that she may be a stigmatic.
Vatican detective Gabriel Bryne (think VCPD Blue) is sent out to research and find out if she's a fake or not. Byrne has just returned from Belo Canto, Brazil (same city that Arquette's mother was visiting) after viewing a statue of Mary that cries human blood. He's a man devoted to God but looking to science to answer his questions; in short, a very plot specific conflicted man.
Now, for a stigmatic to appear as if she is posessed by the devil, should be the first hint that this will be more unbearable than you think. Instead of being filled with the warm fuzzy love of Jesus and light, she is possessed by someone wicked who likes to come on to priests and punch holes in the hoods of cars outside nightclubs. She tries to seduce Gabriel Byrne and starts speaking Aramaic like she's speaking in tongues. It's enought to make an atheist out of all of us.
I'm all for conspiracy theory, but this is ridiculous. The leaps in logic and excessive liberties taken make the plot more preposterous than offensive. What follows is the most ludicrous Vatican conspiracy theory: the true words of Jesus Christ can be found in the scroll of St. Thomas, which the ecclesia has hidden in order to keep "believers" from knowing about it. Arquette begins to recite from it, unraveling a centuries old mystery that has been purposefully kept from the flock.
The filmmakers had the gall to try to make the movie credible by adding a blurb at the end that announces that the Vatican has not recognized the scroll of St. Thomas, as if by after watching this movie you realize that it must be true, even though they neglect to offer a shred of evidence. If anything, the film succeeds in showing that the Vatican has every right to defend itself against wacko morons that try to pawn off all sorts of deluded theories.
As for the acting, Gabriel Byrne appears bored, while Patricia Arquette is almost to kittenish to be convincing. Jonathan Price is not scary enough as the evil bishop (really, John Malkovich would have been a better choice in the black and white movie). Rade Seberdzija plays a good hairy priest who has been excommunicated but continued to research the scroll of St. Thomas.
The movie is shot in grainy music video style with Billy Corgan providing the tunes. Colors are faded and contrast is saturated like a hybrid between Seven, The Crow and the TV show Millenium (a now defunct sho also involving religious conspirations!!). The visuals are really arty and gothic, each shot being cutting-age. And these images would fit well with Billy Corgan's music in an edgy video. Unfortunately, it does not work in a movie. While the expected scary scenes aren't scary at all, Corgan's music make them even more uneventful. His music gives them a trendy look instead of providing them with an oppressing feeling. And this is even more a major failure for a genre where music is one of the main ingredients for thrills. Of course Sinead O'Connor, enemy of the Pope, contributes a song. And Chumbawamba offers an equal amount musical talent by rapping the Hail Mary.
Finally let's not forget the sneaky marketing campaign that makes you believe this is an evil Exorcist style flick with big scares to appeal to the crowds (given the success this summer of films like The Sixth Sense & The Blair Witch Project), while this is not the case at all. If those are your expectations, you'll be fooled. In addition that the explanation of the stigmata is not evil at all, it is obviously totally stupid and unplausible: Even Mitch Hasselhof of Baywatch Nights fame would blush with such an ending.
Run from this movie as you would from the devil.
Anji Milanovic
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Stigmata review
