It’s been five months since I’ve had a television in my apartment. When I tell people this, they stare at me strangely as if I am one of those persons who hoards water and canned goods because of the approaching Y2K. I like to think of myself as a normal person—at least, I hope to appear that way to most people. And I like to think that the absence of a television in my daily life has not made me a freak of society. But I’m afraid I have taken on some unusual habits since throwing away my television.

Now that the music of commercials has become the soundtrack of our lives, we can even detect a sub-genre within that category. We can now personally thank them for bringing us the sounds of Brazil.

Years from now, I wonder what I will remember in particular about 1999.What will you remember? What will others studying our tribe centuries from now think 1999 meant? What movie, what song, what city, what book will represent this year? Should I hang on to the Divas issue of People for future generations?

With an ironic touch, a portray of the SUV conquistador, asking this strategic question: Do we really need four wheel drive for potholes?

We have all lived through this moment of frustration when a rude telemarketer calls to make you sign up for the new ATT program, and before you even peep a word, you are summoned to provide your credit card number. And be it for a telephone company, credit card peddler or whatever society of leprous orphans and legless cripples, he will not loosen his grip until he has your cash. In this most anticipated Guide, we shall begin by drawing up a profile of the enemy and then propose different strategies to conquer him.