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Directed By Simon West
The lovely Angelina Jolie is video game temptress Lara Croft, out to save the world from the ominous plans of the "Illuminati" (fairly pathetic secret society) and avenge her father's death. She does a good enough job given the shoddy material.
Where do I begin? Angelina Jolie is cool. She gets to drive a motorcycle like Tom Cruise in MI:2, act like Indiana Jones as interpreted by Brendan Fraser in The Mummy, fly around fighting like a wildcat like the entire cast from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, demonstrate the spirituality of any Steven Segall picture, all the while living all alone with her faithful servants like Jim Carrey in The Grinch. Unlike these men, she gets to show off her rack in rice paper tops since she's based on a video game built for boys. What's disjointing is how serious Jolie is in this film given how utterly ridiculous the plot and dialogue are.
Recounting the plot makes me wince. Reminiscent of The Mummy Returns, it involves a key hidden in her mansion that must open something in a Cambodian temple, eventually uniting two pieces of a triangle that were placed at opposite ends of the earth. How this helps humanity was lost on me. As for the dialogue, let's just say NBC's short-lived Titans had all the complexity of Dostoevski compared to this schlock.
And the special effects aren't all that special. Instead of The Mummy Returns where mummies look nothing like anything that's ever been in National Geographic, we have Buddhist figures with several limbs that possess all the grace digitized rocks must show when blown to pieces. Also, her tattoos don't show, so that must also be where the special effects budget goes.
There are a few moments worth mentioning. Like her shower scene. Just kidding. Her scenes with father Jon Voigt are not bad, and some of the scenes in Cambodia are lovely. However, though there was plenty of talk before the film's release about how earth shattering their trek into Cambodia was for everyone, it's laughable in the film since most of their time consists of shooting at imaginary Buddhist inspired monsters. And the whole Tomb Raider theme is a bit morally questionable in today's world. A final suggestion would be for the director to take a look at some Bond films and find someone who's at least a sexually challenging adversary for Lara Croft.
The advertising in this film hits an all time low for shamelessness. One scene involves a UPS truck in full brown and yellow regalia arriving with an important package for Miss Croft. I personally think they should have considered plugging a pack of Marlboro's or Victoria's Secret instead of her Landrover chase or taking a swig from a Pepsi.
We have not seen the last of Lara Croft. It's too early to say if the Illuminati should have just taken over the world and let Charlie's Angels and the Scorpion King fight a final bloody battle. Oops, have I said too much?
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Fred Thom
:: Also Read ::
• Tomb Raider Soundtrack
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Tomb Raider review
