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10000 BC review
:. Director: Roland Emmerich
:. Starring: Steven Strait, Camilla Belle
:. Running Time: 1:49
:. Year: 2008
:. Country: USA
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What happens when you mix a little bit of the best and worst aspects of Apocalypto, Braveheart, 300, Gladiator, Ice Age, Jurassic Park and Pirates of the Caribbean? Why, it's Roland Emmerich's 10,000 BC!
Narrated seriously by Omar Sharif, this ultimately ridiculous but unintentionally hilarious movie is no worse for the wear. Hunter D'Leh (Steven Strait) must save his tribe from four- legged demon invaders (pirates on horseback) and goes on a quest to save his kidnapped true love, Evolet (Camilla Belle), a pre-historic girl with piercing blue eyes who looks like a cross between a pre-addict Lindsay Lohan and the Afghani refugee pictured on National Geographic in 1985.
The tribe lives on a snow covered Siberian mountain, but apparently, once D'Leh and his followers start walking they end up in the jungle. They walk a little more, and end up in Africa. They walk just a little bit more and end up following the Egyptian Nile to the pyramids. D'Leh's father, who left the tribe in search of a better life for all of them when D'Leh was but a boy, conveniently knew all of the people that D'Leh meets along the way. And of course, they help him because his father was so great.
Casting appears to have taken place among the wide-eyed dreadlocked denizens of Venice Beach. Members of D'Leh's tribe look like they are about to join the drum circle, and while Emmerich tries to be multicultural, he still makes sure that the bad guys are from the Middle East. The film also features CGI gigantic ostriches that attack, wooly mammoths (used to build pyramids!) and a saber toothed tiger.
A chicken McNugget of a movie, 10,000 B.C. is stupid fun and easily forgotten.
Anji Milanovic
 Movie Reviews: 1998 - 2011
Movie Reviews: 2012 - present
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