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There's not much to say about the plot. After a losing streak in terms of catching fish, George Clooney's Captain Billy Tyne goes out for a final run on the Andrea Gail with his trusty team, including Mark Wahlberg and John C. Reilly. They go out and don't come back. Tearful women fill the screen before they leave, the sea and her really fake waves take over while they're out, and tearful women return to bid farewell. Not really compelling, is it? But wait there's more. Though no one knows what happened to those men once they went out to sea, maybe, just maybe, a shark came on board and bit Mark's leg. Ouch!! Then, possibly, maybe, could be, you never know, a hook spears another fisherman's hand and throws him overboard where he almost drowns. Sweet Mary! Then his sworn enemy, who coveted his ex-wife, saves him! The tension mounts!! Holy Mother of God! But it gets worse, and worse, and worse.... They've caught all the fish, but the ice machine breaks. What else could possibly go wrong??? Oh, don't ask!! Do they lose it all or try to ride through the storm? As a weatherman ominously pronounces, "This is .........the perfect storm". Another reason why this film grates my nerves: it's a say-the-title-of-the-movie-during-the movie movie. You may ask yourself: Why the hell is she spending so much time on a nonexistent plot and not other crucial elements of the film? Dear readers, there is not much more to say. You can't really spend time on character development when there is none. Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio is good as Clooney's able competitor on another ship, while Diane Lane's time is just wasted with cheesy dialogue. John C. Reilly brings heart, as he always does. Unfortunately it's all wasted. Mark and George were a good team in Three Kings but here there is no banter that gives Clooney his usual ease with those around him. Clooney is a troubled Ahab, who vacillates between being a buddy and a bossy ass. It's a strong cast with nothing to hold them together. Petersen takes his time before taking them out to sea. There has been a lot of publicity regarding how the film people wanted to be respectful of the inhabitants of Gloucester, Massachusetts. Acting like lower class poor but proud people with its vapid dialogue was more of an insult than a tribute. While you do get a sense of how tough it is for them to eke out a living and the risks the fisherman must take, we don't get to know half of them personally. It seems they are just there, waiting to die. As for the highly touted special effects, I'm not torn. The swordfish looked real—they fooled me there. Some of the waves were spectacular, but on the whole there was a glossiness that kept me from falling for them. When you can spend time playing "Look How Fake!!!" instead of "Thank God for Computer Generated Images!!" during the movie, your disbelief prevails. This is something called the Jar Jar Syndrome. When all you can focus on is how fake his floppy ears look, they've lost you and you've lost your $8.00. Forever. The subplot of the US Coast Guard saving another boat of three people was more intriguing than the main storyline, and the action was much more intense than watching waves crash through Clooney's ship. It wasn't enough to save this film, though. If you leave The Perfect Storm feeling a bit sunk, you're not alone.
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